Walking drunk...

Gay Pride 2008

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 14:30:32 -0500

I should have zoomed in... But this is a pic of some street preachers who came to Pride to save our damned souls.
It was the usual Hell & damnation... Repent & see that Jesus loves & saves, but NOT unconditionally...
I liked seeing a group of sign-wavers that had insulated the group of preachers. These people had made signs that were pro-gay. They simply stood & hooted & harrahed to drown out the incessant damning & shining offers of salvation.
We went & hugged them to show our support, then stood & made drowning noise of our own for a while.
That just felt so much better than arguing with someone.
One preacher did say something that caught my ear though. "An open-minded person is a convictionless chameleon."
I found myself mulling that one over...
I keep thinking how amazing it must feel to see & act in absolutes, when the world I live in is based in grays.
I don't agree with him, but a part of me envies his surety.

Gay Pride 2008

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Hulk... SMASH!

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:42:25 -0500

That's how I feel tonight... Jazzed...plugged in...Powerful.
I'm sort of snorting like a bull...My cap's down low...hiding my eyes... I feel dangerous...aware... Strangely ready...
It's like the booze has jacked my testerone on high... Everything's a threat & potential target.
This feeling is the true intoxication. It's like instead of feeling confident, I feel male. This kind of savage desire to take...
It feels alien, but I feel sure that I can have what I want... What's strange is that ever-present "what-I-want" is gone.
I'm pure impulse... I feel like a hunter, completely unsure of his prey. So...It's strength without focus...
I feel sort of mad...
What scares me is I like it...

Hulk... SMASH!

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K.I.S.S.I.N.G!

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 23:32:56 -0500

I've been quite a little kissy whore lately. I'm not lamenting, in fact, I'd only lament that I've not been a complete whore... Hehe
Kissing is by far THE most important factor in intimacy & sex for me.
If a guy fucks like a champ, but kisses like a bass out of water, then I will work on improving his kissing, & the good fuck will be the reward.
If he kisses like a pro, but fucks like a jackrabbit, then foreplay will be the main feature.
A kiss should stop the world from turning & spin it too fast for you to stand. It should exist outside of time.
Maybe I expect too much... Hehe
If I kiss & time stops, then maybe I'll tell when it starts up again...

K.I.S.S.I.N.G!

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Dream Log: I'm Straight?!?

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 10:32:35 -0500

Okay...
So... My dream starts & I was kind of wandering around the streets of Boys Town. I think I was looking for something, a new job, purpose...
Then I find myself sort of waiting in the dark in this office area.
Two guys come in & I (the me watching) realize I'm a fireman. Somehow I signed up, & this is my first day.
I'm starting to have doubts though. They'll find out I'm gay, & it will go bad.
So I'm waiting for the Captain so I can confess & resign.
When the guys come in we start talking. They're filling me in on their routine... They often go out for beers, & then wind up 'checking out the hype' at a gay club (name faded).
The one guy is pretty sloppy fat. He says they also like the all-you-can-eat wings at the gay bar.
More time passes, then I go outside because it's 4am. I come back in at 4:45 & the office is full of secretaries/dispatchers, but the Captain is still sleeping.
This part is fading, but the guys start harmlessly flirting with this hot girl firefighter. We wind up checking each other out, & I decide to stay for her...
Captain starts given the daily speech, & I wake up just before he's about to introduce me.

Does that mean I'm a closeted hetero?

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Am I crazy?!?

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:21:26 -0500

When a gay man comes out... The biggest fear is that alone factor. You believe you're the only one who could be, & ever has been gay.
That fear feels so true... & it lingers in the rest of your life...
That doubt, that surety that only you are like this... It haunts you.

If you're smart... You get it. Odds are that I could never be the only one. Yet that fear... It poisons you... That doubt nags...
It would be so much easier to just like girls...everyone else does... Why canr you?
But... If you can beat that... If you can think I'm not the only one... There's power.
That fear though... Its sneaky... It haunts... Says things like, 'Dont trust...' 'Youre not enough.'
You see how the world works & you never question...
It's always easier if you're just a role.

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Chuck & Larry

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 02:10:14 -0600

So I finally got around to watching this flick.
I'm kind of torn. It was a cute movie, & I know it wasn't made in a mean spirit. Yet, I feel a little annoyed by it. I'm unsure of why though.
I feel offended, but its a detached feeling. Usually when I feel offended there's a passionate response. This is more of a vague unease.
Yet it occurs to me to kind of like the film, & beware the cynicism, because if our shaky rights can be taken advantage of then they exist.
I feel as if I haven't explained this well, but that's how vague I feel.

Chuck & Larry

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Eek!

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 03:38:45 -0600

Okay... Keep the previous post in mind...
This AM I found a blank log titled simply... "Eek!"
I'm intrigued... I do not recall a moment that would prompt that...

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I am drunk?

nobody@vox.com(Seamus Id) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 01:57:05 -0600

Okay... I'm gay... So singing comes with the package... But I'm almost a drag queen with Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a Hero."
My dog is frightened!
So... I'm thinking of the other day when He was giving it to Her so good I almost came. (He & Her, my new above neighbors)
I greatly envy them their OBVIOUSLY good sex.
Now... I'm thinking... What if they can hear me? Am I wearing a wig, harem pants, & castanets? How do you spell that word?
Sadly I fear every fag has that inner queen who needs her musical solos.
Psst... Its like the 'N' word... I can use it. You...? Not so much... Hehe. Just ask Isaiah, right?
Truly though... I'll let it pass as long as I trust your smile, & you better be smiling...
Its fucking 2am... Why am I going out?
Oh yeah... I am drunk...

I am drunk?

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