8 posts tagged “following the cock”

Sometimes I wonder if gay men are more sexually driven than heterosexual men.
There's the popular belief that men are just procreators... Internally wired to spread our seed. This ideology is admittedly often used to excuse philandering, & polyamorism.
Yet, there are compelling elements to that argument...
I believe that a man should rise above his base emotions. He should see a person & recognize traits outside of his lust.
Yet I would say that 80% of the time... My cock notices a guy more than my brain. Luckily, my brain has the majority vote...
Somehow that feels like hypocrisy...
Cliche alert: 'I'm a visual person'
Yet that's true of sighted people... Logically, in most real-world situations (a steadily out-moded scenario, yet thankfully, strongly viable) the visual aspect is what you first take in of a person. This does not intrensically indicate physicality per se. Body language is huge as a first impression.
I'm kind of wandering topically though...
Lately my lustful urges have been greater... Strangely this is because I've been stressed out about finding a new apartment.
Weird, huh? That's right... My stress response, for some strange reason, is an increased libido.
It's passed... I've found a new place...
It just has me thinking... How does that become a conditioned response?
I've used sex as a security blanket in the past, a remnant of low self-esteem... Is it some sort of development stemming from that?
Or am I simply looking for the release of orgasm?
It does have a way of making worries fade though, right?
Maybe I should just embrace it & stress more...

Gay lust Why stress?

So... I made it to a FNM night & became intrigued by some 20-something guy spouting off about his personal ideology.
That's the age of ideology right? A time when the world's knowledge is so readily available, & so easily interpreted by the collegiate mind.
He had some interesting ideas too.
He felt that homosexuality was a sexual disorder, & compared it to having A.D.D. He believed that if we could get over the stigma of its inherent sexual dealings, & the ongoing fight for gay rights, then we could perhaps come to a point where it's treatable.
Now, I have to give him that it was less offensive than some anti-gay arguments...
I won't rehash our short discussion here, but I will comment on my opinion of his outlook.
I don't think homosexuality is a disorder.
Duh, right? No way you saw a gay dude thinking that...
Yet... I want more than just sex with a man. I'm not a psychologist so maybe I'm wrong.
It seems to me though that a person suffering a sexual disorder would be pretty fixated on the sexual aspect.
I like to have sex, my libido is in fine shape, but I want more. I want beyond that small portion of a relationship.
I love. I want love. That doesn't seem like a disorder.

Lust vs. Logic... Fighting the 'GAY'

So... I was just looking through the craigslist men seeking men ads...
Hey! Don't judge.
Stop here, as this post may be overly graphic adult...
I get the desire to fuck without a condom. It feels great. It's so in the now. Of course people get tempted...
I'm not going to enter a lecture mode about safe sex... I've given in to the dark side on occasion, & guiltily took the test afterward. I'm not able to claim innocence. It's not in my nature to deny my transgressions anyway.
I'm an over-sharer... Hence, this post...
What has me just shuddering with revulsion, is the title of this post. I've seen it in quite a few posts tonight...
This mentality of being used... The guys who write that in an ad... Breed me & seed me...
They offer (I'll assume they are picky-ish) to be bent over & waiting for the guy coming over. 'Fuck me & go.'
Now... Sex is just sex. I separate sex from making love. There is a distinction to be made.
Yet... This is less...
I just fail to understand placing no self-worth in what you bring to it. To give of yourself so freely that it has absolutely no meaning...
Is that ultruism, or is it shame?

Back home.
So... I just had a random sex hook-up with a hot guy. NSA, as the personals acronyms go...
It was sort of awkward, but not for long...
Then it was just amazing! Geez I needed that!

Riding the wave...

I know you don't find love when you're looking for it. You usually recreate the facts around something to make it fit. I've done that, & I'm pretty good at recognizing the signs now... Hehe.
I'm not so much down about not having someone... It's something I'd like to find, but I still mostly believe it'll come along in time.
It's just that I'm not really meeting friends either. I'm turning into a hermit. When I go out to the bar I watch the Tv screen... That's a bad sign, right?
I feel like I'm internalizing too much. That would be fine if I was working on me stuff, but I'm not. I'm just sort of bowing out of the world it seems...
So... I figure I need to find a hobby. Maybe something social so I can meet people...

Pondering what to do...

I can't! I can't! I just can't!
So... 2 weeks ago I meet this hot guy out... We make-out... Grope... Good to go on all cylinders...
My place is trashed so we agree that he'll call the next day for lunch with "dessert".
He doesn't call... Disappointing, but not my first time at the rodeo, right?
Tonight... All over me again... I play frostbite, looking for the why...
I've been married 15 years... Is the why. He knows I play, he can join, all the BS one expects...
I wanted to be okay with it. He was hot, his husband didn't care, but it was all me...
I cared... It's all I could do...
Yes... I wanted him... His cock, his ass...everything. I even believe his husband knew I was there...
All the same I only wanted to run...
I felt like I was tempting the flames of hell, though we're doomed from the first pole we smoke as I understand most beliefs...
So I ran... I feel good, yet still lost...

Running away...

So... Here at the 'mo bar...again...
I'm cruising guys... Guys are cruising me...
And I leave... There are guys I could have tonight... Maybe even tomorrow...
But... I leave... I'll hate that its just me, but I'll leave alone...
Sadly, I still believe there's this guy who i'll meet... The one...the one...
God damn... That sounds so fucking stupid!
it echoes & I want to slap myself.
I'm 31 & I still believe in the Prince Charming myth...
I mean...seriously...I still believe... Its certifiable!
There's a guy who's perfect for me? What am I? Barbie?
I'm confounded, honestly. I'm so cynical, yet I truly believe there's this guy sort of hovering in the ether...waiting for me...
I'm confused now because I don't know whether I'm a cynic or a hopeless romantic...
I didn't think they could be so close to one another...
I'm a cynic... I know I am... Ask my friends...
Yet I believe this guy will walk up to me & i'll fall...

Fuck!
How thin can beer make a person's blood?
So... If you're new here... I go out after pre-cocktailing often... I am often surprised by being drunk in the pix... & I edit them to make myself look better. Judge my inebriation from this info...
I'm just looking to wake tomorrow with a feeling of fun last night. Is that wrong?
I want to date a guy I can't, hoping he's what I think he could be.
I want to fuck a guy I think is only a charicature. I don't want him to be anything more unless he is more beyond what I can see.
Both entice me equally because I am so essentially lost...
Wow! I hate the connection to my candor that alcohol makes... Yet I feel free of needless weight. I'm following the flow of my cock...
Only one guy can catch my heart, but he's not feeling me. He's feeling him. Maybe he knows that...

Geez... It's cold out here...