8 posts tagged “confessions”

Okay... Adult magic does suck. Its CGI all the way.
I was too quick to post though. By the end, all satire & symbolisn faded. I was just a kid lost in an adventure. What if it really could happen...?
Maybe magic is more about where you start, & less about how the 'real' world fails.

Early Judgement: Time Bandits

So... I remember loving this flick when I was a kid. I watched it & watched it. Every time it was on Tv I was sitting in front of it.
For weeks now I've been seeing it at Dominick's (a local supermarket chain), & been tempted to buy it. I was curious if I would still love it so much...
I bought it tonight.
I've found myself laughing at more subtle humor... No, not subtle, sarcastic, dry... That sounds closer...
Back then I understood in a vague sense that it was satirical...not really knowing what that was.
I understood that there was symbolism...not what it symbolized. Is that possible?
Now I see a lot more into the symbolism. Materialism, Technologic rule, Commercialism, maybe even a nod at Survivalism (that guy who eats everything).
My internal cynic gets it, & I feel saddened that the sense of adventure fades when I recognize a theme.
Better to feel that what if I could...
Adult magic just sucks!

Time Bandits A Return to Childhood (1981)

So... Forgive the pic... I felt one was necessary considering what I'm about to write. That was the good one! LOL
As usual... I was online & someone mentioned how a lot of people don't post pics of themselves...
I began to wonder why one wouldn't do so. Obviously, if they feel unattractive... but what else might motivate the non-visual cyber identity?
Fear of Exposure- It's a gay site, maybe they're not out...
Weirdly I was somewhat shocked by my response to that idea. I was appalled.
I've noticed that as I grow older & more comfortable as an openly gay man, I'm also becoming more militant & less forgiving of closeted people.
Now coming out is a very personal act. I don't agree with outing people. I even question it when it's a political figure who attacks other gays as a means of camoflauge.
However, we live in a more progressive time. To be closeted today is cowardice in most cases.
It is a rough road, but one that must be taken to be wholly who you are.
I would never out someone, but today every GLB&T must be brave enough to out themselves.
We need the voices.
More than that though...
Cyberspace allows a modicum of anonymity. Thus its appeal... Listen to Brad Paisley's "Online". Great!
This is a dating site however. We live in a visual age. So share already...

Cyber Identity: What do you share?

Tonight I am drunk enough that truth runs like wine, & the pen sweeps freely 'cross the page...
These are the words of a troubled heart freed by spirits of its secrecy.
Funny how the truth I try to hide is so easily read upon my face.
I'm leaving the bar again alone. Granted, there were virtually no men I could have, or would...
Not one man hit on me tonight, nada. This has become routine...
Now... I know I'm not a stud, I'm not young... I am attractive however. I try to send out good vibes...
*shrug
The voice of reason says get a grip; it's a bar scene. This certainly has some bearing... Yet...

Expectations & Truths...

I was surfing the message boards & this question was posed.
I've been drinking wine, which makes me wax philosophic... Hehe
So... Here's my take:
An interesting thing to me is that the OP simply asked what qualities, and the word perfect was seemingly inferred...
I believe, whether they admit it or not, most people aren't looking for "perfect" exactly. It's more of an ideal we trying to re-capture.
Most of us are looking for a fairy-tale we heard as a child, that's how we understand love first, often... we want something magical to happen... we want that Hollywood love story. Maybe because fantasy has always been easier to digest...
Every time I've fallen in love (& I believe that LOVE is possible with more than one person) I was completely surprised by it.
Love is one of our greyest ideologies. It's so defining, & so ephemeral. It spans every culture, race, religion, and oftens divides at those same lines. If I can believe in a "god" it's actually the force of love... I can name numerous vile things that have been done in the name of a god, but none in the name of love...
Love is ephermal, it is fleeting, but a great force must be...
I'd rather submit to feeling good with someone, fleeting and glorious, than that scripted program we absorb as kids.
Heart-break is awful. How great is the alternative though?
What do I look for?
That next surprise...

What do you look for in a potential other-half?

I know you don't find love when you're looking for it. You usually recreate the facts around something to make it fit. I've done that, & I'm pretty good at recognizing the signs now... Hehe.
I'm not so much down about not having someone... It's something I'd like to find, but I still mostly believe it'll come along in time.
It's just that I'm not really meeting friends either. I'm turning into a hermit. When I go out to the bar I watch the Tv screen... That's a bad sign, right?
I feel like I'm internalizing too much. That would be fine if I was working on me stuff, but I'm not. I'm just sort of bowing out of the world it seems...
So... I figure I need to find a hobby. Maybe something social so I can meet people...

Pondering what to do...

I can't! I can't! I just can't!
So... 2 weeks ago I meet this hot guy out... We make-out... Grope... Good to go on all cylinders...
My place is trashed so we agree that he'll call the next day for lunch with "dessert".
He doesn't call... Disappointing, but not my first time at the rodeo, right?
Tonight... All over me again... I play frostbite, looking for the why...
I've been married 15 years... Is the why. He knows I play, he can join, all the BS one expects...
I wanted to be okay with it. He was hot, his husband didn't care, but it was all me...
I cared... It's all I could do...
Yes... I wanted him... His cock, his ass...everything. I even believe his husband knew I was there...
All the same I only wanted to run...
I felt like I was tempting the flames of hell, though we're doomed from the first pole we smoke as I understand most beliefs...
So I ran... I feel good, yet still lost...

Running away...

I just read a post by a guy who was disappointed in dating, & blamed it on the shallowness of men... There's some truth there...
I have only myself to blame however; For I am a pussy.
I feared this to be true, & last night I proved it to myself. There was an attractive guy, clearly giving me the eye & I did nothing.
Leaving the bar I glance inside the taqueria next door, & there he is again. He smiled & gave me a wave.
I kept walking, then berated myself for being a coward. I turned around & went inside, trying to look casual as I placed my order.
Our eyes met several times, but still I pussed out. Then to add to it... His order comes up & he & his two friends sit at the table right next to me.
I wait quietly for my food, then leave without saying anything...
I glance back in the window, & he waves to me. I wave shyly back & go home to eat my quesadilla alone.
This is why I'm single.

Bust a Move!Or be single forever...